When looking for relationships do you disassociate the fact that you have it? When I was younger (teenager years) I'd just pretend I didn't have it and had a reasonable amount of success having girls become attracted to me. I've been given phone numbers etc and have had girls give me that open receptive look while flirting with me so they must find me reasonably attractive. I've been talking to a few girls online recently after not being in a relationship for 6 years and I just can't bring myself to try and pursue any form of relationship at all. I was open about "it" to one girl in the past (we'd been flirting a lot etc, she'd actually wanted to come down and visit me) and after I told her she just basically stopped talking to me entirely. I'd actually avoided seeing her as well because I was ashamed of myself and my condition. I've been in a few intimate relationships and they hadn't seemed to care all that much really (I think) but these were with girls who were rather promiscuous... I'm past all of that at my age and really want to try and find someone who could care for me entirely. Girls seem to become attracted to me and almost put me on a pedestal at times (I'm highly shy, sensitive and introverted because of iv and I think they find that "cute") and I just can't bring myself to pursue any relationship with a (nice) attractive girl because I'm basically repulsed with myself and know that I would just let them down. When I tell regular everyday people about my condition they basically say "that sucks" "thats a shame" and can't offer me any support about it so it leads me to believe that I'm really hopeless in most ways. Even the last psychologist I saw couldn't give me any meaningful advice related to the iv (he'd told me to wear gloves etc. weird stuff that would make me come across as looking even crazier...)
It's not so much I'm afraid of what they'll think of it (I am though, of course..) it's the fact that I'm completely repulsed by myself and I don't know how to overcome that, at all. If I'm not comfortable with myself how could I be comfortable with myself and another person in an intimate setting?