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#19839 - 12/19/00 04:00 PM
Re: relationships
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Member
Registered: 08/26/00
Posts: 61
Loc: Copenhagen - Denmark - Europe
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Originally posted by Les Avakian: Hello Dslacker You pose a very good question?
???
I dont feel it is any easier for women to find a significant other then when you are a man.In our society, women are taught you have to look a certain way to be accepted. Marketing, glamour magazines, television advertisements, and music videos bombard our youth into believing this. So many teenagers force themselves to fit this mold to be the perfect Vogue model.This leads to undue stress and this is the reason I feel our society is tougher on women than men.
Its odd that you say that, because as far as I can see, almost everything you say above deals with womens OWN perception of self and not with how a potential boyfriend would see them - My point was rather, that women tend to look MORE at looks than men do... that is they dont want any other male than the perfect "mate/provider"... Granted, that maybe be because of what you say above, but still...
Hopefully more men will post their opinions. Yesssss :-) ------------------ ---------------------- | The Danish Slacker | |----------------------| | | | dslacker@trustme.dk | | | | "Have you got the | | will to be weird" | ----------------------
_________________________
The Danish Slacker ------------------------- dslacker@trustme.dk "Have you got the will to be weird" ----------------------
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#19841 - 01/01/01 06:07 AM
Re: relationships
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Ken and dslacker??, Let me throw in my 2 cents worth on this. I don't know about european countries but here in the United states it is percieved that a woman waits for the man to approach her(old fashioned but true unfortunatly) So a woman must make herself attractive however she can To "attract" men, this is a difficult task considering what we have to do to keep our ichthyosis under control. However a man must approach a woman and hope that he is not embarrassed or humiliated when/if he is turned down. A positive and carefree attitude is always a plus for either sex. I have many platonic friends and am glad that i do. The hardest part about finding a mate isn't the ratio of men to women but finding someone who loves you for who you are, not what you look like, how much money you have or what kind of ailments you do or don't have. If a woman or man turns you down because of your ichthyosis, move on, they are too shallow to see the real you and aren't worth your time. Let someone else be burdened with them for life. On the other hand, you should have the same standards in picking a mate as you would expect them to have. I'll admit it has been extremely dificult for me in relationships but I have found what I am looking for and I'm very happy with it. Should I have children I would still hope for a boy if my child is going to have Ichthyosis. A boy/man has it much easier in this world when it comes to socializing. I hate to tell you guys this but you're wrong if you think women have it easier. Also Ken, that one platonic girlfriend that you would like to hit on, make sure they feel the same way you do. If not, more then likely your friendship will never be as close again because you will have crossed that line that distinguishes between a real friend and just another man trying to sneak in the back door by posing as a friend. Good luck guys, don't be offeneded by anything I said, it is just my opinion that I have gained from experience. Consider my membership in the he-man woman-haters club retired. Life is too short to go around hating and complaining, I only wish I had realized this when I was a much younger. You guys can write me if you'd like, keithx1@earthlink.net, take care. Keith.
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#19842 - 01/29/01 03:50 PM
Re: relationships
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Member
Registered: 11/20/00
Posts: 707
Loc: Grants Pass, OR
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I really hope I'm not intruding here guys, but I thought I'd throw my two cents in.
I think it's very tough for both genders with ichthyosis to find someone to have a relationship with. From a woman's perspective, you're darn tooting right that we are trained to look a certain way to attract men.
I certainly hope that our society is moving more towards finding a partner due to their personality, talents, and communication skills rather than looks. However popular media doesn't seem to be reflecting that too much.
I have some wonderful male friends without a skin disorder or physical disability of any kind. Frankly, they lament the same things you guys are here "Are we not good looking enough, do we not make enough money" etc. etc.
Keith is so very very right in that a woman who can't deal with your ichthyosis isn't worth it. Realize that a woman like that probably wouldn't even be willing to be friends with someone who has ichthyosis, regardless of gender. I am sure all of you would say the same thing to me if I asked you about a guy who wasn't comfortable with my skin.
So on that note, what's that old song again, "You Sexy Thang" =)
_________________________
I am female, and was born in 1972 with Lamellar Ichthyosis.
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#19844 - 01/20/04 02:21 AM
Re: relationships
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Junior Member
Registered: 05/23/03
Posts: 1
Loc: South Dakota, USA
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dslacker,
I'm just a lurker, but I have to tell you, please don't give up hope.
I am a married woman, but I am not the one with Ichthyosis. My husband is.
I think most people in general are pretty picky about the looks of their significant other. The amazing thing about love, though, is that it makes you see someone in a way that others might not see them. And sometimes that makes things like skin conditions, weight, a gigantic nose...what have you, not matter anymore.
My husband has x-linked Ichthyosis. I was not turned off by his skin when I first met him, but I was very curious. He was very open about it, and that was great. And you know, I love the feel of my husband's skin. He has texture. It's not that I wouldn't be happy with him if he had smooth skin like most other people, but his skin makes him different, and I like that. I guess it's hard to explain.
I just wanted to let you know that you may yet find someone that not only accepts your skin, but loves it as a beautiful part of you.
Good luck to you!
Mel
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