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#19837 - 12/17/00 08:10 PM relationships
dslacker Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/00
Posts: 61
Loc: Copenhagen - Denmark - Europe
Hi

I just wondered...
It seems to me, that the majority of the boards users are women who are either married or in some kind of relationship.

So my question is:
Does any of you think that its easier for women to find a significant other than when you are a man - (because of men being less "picky" about looks than women...)

It should be noted, that I'm a 33 years old male who has EHK, and I really dont have much problems with finding female friends, but I have started to get a little annoyed by the fact that wast the majority of them only wants socalled platonic friendship... sigh

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_________________________
The Danish Slacker
-------------------------
dslacker@trustme.dk
"Have you got the will to be weird"
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#19838 - 12/19/00 02:52 AM Re: relationships
Les Avakian Offline


Member

Registered: 08/13/00
Posts: 680
Loc: Fresno, Calif. USA 93705
Hello Dslacker
You pose a very good question? I dont feel it is any easier for women to find a significant other then when you are a man.In our society, women are taught you have to look a certain way to be accepted. Marketing, glamour magazines, television advertisements, and music videos bombard our youth into believing this. So many teenagers force themselves to fit this mold to be the perfect Vogue model.This leads to undue stress and this is the reason I feel our society is tougher on women than men.Hopefully more men will post their opinions.
_________________________
Les Avakian

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#19839 - 12/19/00 10:00 AM Re: relationships
dslacker Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/00
Posts: 61
Loc: Copenhagen - Denmark - Europe
Quote:
Originally posted by Les Avakian:
Hello Dslacker
You pose a very good question?

???

I dont feel it is any easier for women to find a significant other then when you are a man.In our society, women are taught you have to look a certain way to be accepted. Marketing, glamour magazines, television advertisements, and music videos bombard our youth into believing this. So many teenagers force themselves to fit this mold to be the perfect Vogue model.This leads to undue stress and this is the reason I feel our society is tougher on women than men.

Its odd that you say that, because as far as I can see, almost everything you say above deals with womens OWN perception of self and not with how a potential boyfriend would see them - My point was rather, that women tend to look MORE at looks than men do... that is they dont want any other male than the perfect "mate/provider"...
Granted, that maybe be because of what you say above, but still...

Hopefully more men will post their opinions.


Yesssss :-)


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| The Danish Slacker |
|----------------------|
| |
| dslacker@trustme.dk |
| |
| "Have you got the | | will to be weird" |
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_________________________
The Danish Slacker
-------------------------
dslacker@trustme.dk
"Have you got the will to be weird"
----------------------

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#19840 - 12/30/00 03:30 PM Re: relationships
Ken Roberts Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/30/00
Posts: 4
Loc: Orlando, FL USA
dslacker ~ yeah, but I think women have an easier time finding men because more men seem to be in search of women.

At many times I've thought that I'd like to trade-in 3 or 4 platonic female friends for one uninhibited wild girlfriend.

The best bet has always been that one platonic girlfriend develops into a relationship.
_________________________
Ken Roberts

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#19841 - 01/01/01 12:07 AM Re: relationships
Anonymous
Unregistered


Ken and dslacker??,
Let me throw in my 2 cents worth on this. I don't know about european countries but here in the United states it is percieved that a woman waits for the man to approach her(old fashioned but true unfortunatly) So a woman must make herself attractive however she can To "attract" men, this is a difficult task considering what we have to do to keep our ichthyosis under control. However a man must approach a woman and hope that he is not embarrassed or humiliated when/if he is turned down. A positive and carefree attitude is always a plus for either sex. I have many platonic friends and am glad that i do. The hardest part about finding a mate isn't the ratio of men to women but finding someone who loves you for who you are, not what you look like, how much money you have or what kind of ailments you do or don't have. If a woman or man turns you down because of your ichthyosis, move on, they are too shallow to see the real you and aren't worth your time. Let someone else be burdened with them for life. On the other hand, you should have the same standards in picking a mate as you would expect them to have. I'll admit it has been extremely dificult for me in relationships but I have found what I am looking for and I'm very happy with it. Should I have children I would still hope for a boy if my child is going to have Ichthyosis. A boy/man has it much easier in this world when it comes to socializing. I hate to tell you guys this but you're wrong if you think women have it easier. Also Ken, that one platonic girlfriend that you would like to hit on, make sure they feel the same way you do. If not, more then likely your friendship will never be as close again because you will have crossed that line that distinguishes between a real friend and just another man trying to sneak in the back door by posing as a friend. Good luck guys, don't be offeneded by anything I said, it is just my opinion that I have gained from experience. Consider my membership in the he-man woman-haters club retired. Life is too short to go around hating and complaining, I only wish I had realized this when I was a much younger.
You guys can write me if you'd like, keithx1@earthlink.net, take care.
Keith.

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#19842 - 01/29/01 09:50 AM Re: relationships
Chandra Offline
Member

Registered: 11/20/00
Posts: 707
Loc: Grants Pass, OR
I really hope I'm not intruding here guys, but I thought I'd throw my two cents in.

I think it's very tough for both genders with ichthyosis to find someone to have a relationship with. From a woman's perspective, you're darn tooting right that we are trained to look a certain way to attract men.

I certainly hope that our society is moving more towards finding a partner due to their personality, talents, and communication skills rather than looks. However popular media doesn't seem to be reflecting that too much.

I have some wonderful male friends without a skin disorder or physical disability of any kind. Frankly, they lament the same things you guys are here "Are we not good looking enough, do we not make enough money" etc. etc.

Keith is so very very right in that a woman who can't deal with your ichthyosis isn't worth it. Realize that a woman like that probably wouldn't even be willing to be friends with someone who has ichthyosis, regardless of gender. I am sure all of you would say the same thing to me if I asked you about a guy who wasn't comfortable with my skin.

So on that note, what's that old song again, "You Sexy Thang" =)
_________________________
I am female, and was born in 1972 with Lamellar Ichthyosis.

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#19843 - 01/11/04 03:11 PM Re: relationships
luckelizard Offline
Member

Registered: 02/26/03
Posts: 190
Loc: Corpus Christi, TX, USA
female here.. i think that is a very good question.. i have EHK.. i don't really have trouble finding guys.. i have trouble finding good guys.. the ones that want to be in a relationship.. like now.. i am living with my boyfriend but i feel he is embarrased of me. when anything comes to doing anything with his family.. he makes sure i go to a friends house or once in a while he might take me.. it makes me feel like crud sometimes but i think i like him enough to work things out.. but i don't want to bring it up because then he might break up with me and then me and my son wouldn't have a place to live again.. and i kinda like living outside a shelter and off the streets.. but the answer to your question.. it might not be easier for women but it definately wasn't easy for me.
thanks. crystal rose

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#19844 - 01/19/04 08:21 PM Re: relationships
felyciti Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/23/03
Posts: 1
Loc: South Dakota, USA
dslacker,

I'm just a lurker, but I have to tell you, please don't give up hope.

I am a married woman, but I am not the one with Ichthyosis. My husband is.

I think most people in general are pretty picky about the looks of their significant other. The amazing thing about love, though, is that it makes you see someone in a way that others might not see them. And sometimes that makes things like skin conditions, weight, a gigantic nose...what have you, not matter anymore.

My husband has x-linked Ichthyosis. I was not turned off by his skin when I first met him, but I was very curious. He was very open about it, and that was great. And you know, I love the feel of my husband's skin. He has texture. It's not that I wouldn't be happy with him if he had smooth skin like most other people, but his skin makes him different, and I like that. I guess it's hard to explain.

I just wanted to let you know that you may yet find someone that not only accepts your skin, but loves it as a beautiful part of you.

Good luck to you!

Mel

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#19845 - 01/29/04 05:20 PM Re: relationships
Janneman Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/29/04
Posts: 1
Loc: Belgium
Hi, this is my first post so lets introduce myself. Im from belgium, 26 and i have ich vulgaris X linked. I have two brothers who have it and one beautifull sister who hasnt [img]http://www.ichthyosis.com/ubb/smile.gif[/img] .The three sons of my mothers sister have the same problems...
My opinion in this thread is that you first fall in love and than you show your body and if she really loves you she will not make a problem off it...

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#19846 - 01/29/04 07:59 PM Re: relationships
Anonymous
Unregistered


Janneman,
I agree with you as far as "if she loves you she will not make a problem of it". Starting out a relationship by hiding something is not a good way to start. When I first met my wife it took me quite some time before I told her about my Ichthyosis, even then it didn't matter to her. I wasted 4 or 5 months of our relationship that way, if I had been truthful from the beginning we could have had that much more time together. If you're interested in someone or they're interested in you, being honest about it right away will let you know if that person has what it takes to be with someone with Ichthyosis.
Keith.

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#19847 - 01/30/04 12:22 AM Re: relationships
dslacker Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/00
Posts: 61
Loc: Copenhagen - Denmark - Europe
I dont get it - you keep talking like its possible to HIDE the Ich - As for myself thats just not feasable.

Its pretty obvious that something is very wrong with my skin, so if they dont get an explanation pretty fast then any sort of relationship is not an option...

I totally agree with a lot of the above posts that if they cant look past the Ich. then they are not worth the effort, but I can also honestly say that I find it pretttttyyyy hard to find those girls "who likes the texture" as someone stated... ;-)

And yes I have tried a lot of approches (be it evening classes, hobbies in groups and what have you) - The bar/disco is totally disregarded :-)

Its like 3 years ago I made the original post and it comes down to the same experience - I am nice and a good person to talk to but lets keep it "platonic" or something to that effect...

For now I have pretty much settled for the fact that MAYBE I get lucky, but its not something I wanna obsess about anymore - Its just too depressing to think about too much...

Just to let you know Im still keeping tabs on the issue ;-)

------------------
The Danish Slacker
-------------------------
dslacker@trustme.dk
"Have you got the will to be weird"
----------------------
_________________________
The Danish Slacker
-------------------------
dslacker@trustme.dk
"Have you got the will to be weird"
----------------------

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#19848 - 01/30/04 06:17 AM Re: relationships
pauline5 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/06/02
Posts: 913
Loc: Melbourne, Australia
Hey Niels....

I thought I was your new interest.....hahahaha, JUST JOKING
And yes, I couldn't hide my skin if I tried either, so that is why I have never bothered from the word go....

I think my confidence in bearing lots of skin, is due to my mother leaving me lying with nothing on as a baby....

I COULDN'T wear clothes THEN, and I HATE wearing lots of clothes now...They only make me overheat, scratch my ears raw, sweat, stink etc...

Regards who it is easier for, to date...I think it is harder for women, because they have to keep up with the beauty allusion, that attracts men first...

It just blows me away, the people who have found accepting partners, who have no existing health issue or disability....

Although I feel that people like us Niels, who have some more physical limitations find it harder, because people often don't want to be held back from their usual activities...

I also feel that the extremely thick palms may turn people off the most, particularly in a sexual relationship, even after 20 years, I still feel guilty that I don't have nice soft smooth hands for my husband.

However, I am fortunate in that my husband has cerebral palsy so we have a very special bond, and we understand each other, and help each other in daily life...But if I hadn't have met him at school, I very much doubt I would be with anyone else now...

But I am sure I will be reminded that it is all in our personalities, LOL (and I guess it is true)...the more shy one is, the harder it would be for others to break that awkward ice...and if one demonstrates that they are uncomfortable with their own skin, then others will perhaps pick up on that.

Pauline.

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#19849 - 01/30/04 08:17 AM Re: relationships
Anonymous
Unregistered


Niels,
I can't hide my Ichthyosis either. When I first got a computer an old friend of mine showed me how to load msn chat and get an ID. Then he gave me all of our old friends ID's that had moved away and we had kept in contact with. I started chatting alot with a buddy of mine who lives in Northern California, then his wife took over the computer and I rarely got to talk to him anymore. One night while taking to his wife she said that her cousin was online, should we invite her to chat with us? I said sure, I didn't know who she was. Like yourself, I wasn't looking for a relationshipat all. Since I am a nightowl and she worked the swing shift, I found her online at night alot. To make a long story short I chatted and talked to her on the phone for months without ever telling her I had Ichthyosis. Then came the big question, "when are you going to come up here and meet me?" I used every excuse I had not to meet her for weeks even months. Finally I figured I had better tell her so she would quit hounding me. To my surprise, the next day, she had looked up Ichthyosis on the web, found the FIRST site for me, told me there was a conference coming up, completely blew me away. I finally went and met her, more nervous then I had ever been, once the introductions were over and we were in a more private setting I showed her my Ichthyosis and basically said this is it, what do you think? If she had shown any hesitation or ignorance I would have left right away. I should have told her in the beginning but I never had any intention of marrying this girl, let alone meeting her. Pauline, who says my wife doesn't have an existing health or disability, she's crazy like all women [img]http://www.ichthyosis.com/ubb/smile.gif[/img].
Keith.

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#27782 - 06/29/11 06:25 PM Re: relationships [Re: felyciti]
Desertmist Offline
New member

Registered: 06/29/11
Posts: 1
Hello all,

LOVE IS NOT SKIN DEEP

My sweet heart showed me this forum. He has this condition and he spent many minutes explaining it to me and after awhile I said now lets talk about something else. In my mind I thought hum here sitting in front of me is a different species of a man, lets investigate!

Next thing I know I have created nicknames for him to allow him to see that I am ok with it.

He asked me I hope this will not turn you off later on and I answered what if it turns me on.............well that create magic that night !

With magic like that I'll take him moist or dry.

We all are different and we all of something, problems inside and between the ears can't be seen. I find him to be more normal on the inside than the moistest man I have been with.

I just have to get used to sweeping and vacuuming, but a small price to pay for magic. Each time he leaves, he leaves me his pixie dust and a part of him.

My investigation finds him to be manly and magical!

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#28932 - 05/25/13 09:33 AM Re: relationships [Re: dslacker]
whatadowner Offline
New member

Registered: 05/25/13
Posts: 2
My girlfriend no longer goes near me as far as being gf/bf goes she sleeps downstairs what a sad lonely life

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#28949 - 06/14/13 10:06 PM Re: relationships [Re: dslacker]
vangurd71 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/13
Posts: 8
Not just relationship but overall from psychological point of view, IV can leave you dry(no pun intended). I will conceptually try to share my observation.

If you have severe IV, your childhood is ruined, people pick on you a lot, which cultivates as low self-esteem and major psychological problems.

Obviously, the most profound human characteristic is the ability to over come any obstacle in life. So, most of us grow up normal but bad seeds are left behind.

As a full adult, even this day, I can admit that I some how manage to push people away, hurt people, and feel comfortable in solitude and I believe that is a norm among most people with IV.

However, we have to strive to be better human being. We should not be bounded by our physical traits rather our mental and intellectual ability to push forward define who we are!

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#28950 - 06/14/13 10:12 PM Re: relationships [Re: dslacker]
vangurd71 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/13
Posts: 8
Not just relationship but overall from psychological point of view, IV can leave you dry(no pun intended). I will conceptually try to share my observation.

If you have severe IV, your childhood is ruined, people pick on you a lot, which cultivates as low self-esteem and major psychological problems.

Obviously, the most profound human characteristic is the ability to over come any obstacle in life. So, most of us grow up normal but bad seeds are left behind.

As a full adult, even this day, I can admit that I some how manage to push people away, hurt people, and feel comfortable in solitude and I believe that is a norm among most people with IV.

However, we have to strive to be better human being. We should not be bounded by our physical traits rather our mental and intellectual ability to push forward define who we are!

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#29047 - 11/11/13 10:34 PM Re: relationships [Re: dslacker]
gregoryteamer Offline
New member

Registered: 11/10/13
Posts: 3
My name is greg. Looking for wife with icythyosis. I'm 43 years of age. married twice to women without it. Hopefully, you can understand how it feels to be rejected by someone when they are tired of being associated with someone with skin different from there own. looking for someone willing to workout all other issues in life together and faithfully. Want to have one or two children. please respond to greg teamer message

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#29048 - 11/11/13 10:39 PM Re: relationships [Re: dslacker]
gregoryteamer Offline
New member

Registered: 11/10/13
Posts: 3
My name is greg. Looking for wife with icythyosis. I'm 43 years of age. married twice to women without it. Hopefully, you can understand how it feels to be rejected by someone when they are tired of being associated with someone with skin different from there own. looking for someone willing to workout all other issues in life together and faithfully. Want to have one or two children. please respond to greg teamer message

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#29206 - 08/18/14 07:22 PM Re: relationships [Re: dslacker]
dslacker Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/00
Posts: 61
Loc: Copenhagen - Denmark - Europe
So - any news - anybody ? Bueller ?
_________________________
The Danish Slacker
-------------------------
dslacker@trustme.dk
"Have you got the will to be weird"
----------------------

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#29207 - 08/18/14 09:13 PM Re: relationships [Re: dslacker]
Guppy101 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/26/14
Posts: 7
Loc: Sale, Victoria, Australia
Hi Danish Slacker.

It's sad that no one has responded to Greg. Seems mostly because so few girls have Ichthyosis.

I have empathy for Gregs situation of being married twice, and rejected . This would be painful. Though I do think that Women with Ichthyosis find it easier to find a man, than the other way around. I think it's because Guys will jump on anything ( sorry for being crude ! ! ) Girls have to be more careful in choice of a Partner ( they only get 1 or 2 chances "biologically " speaking ) .

I have never had a relationship, and in a way took pride in not " Burdening " someone with my problems or personal Issues. And I have never had Kids because I wouldn't want my Children to go through any pain or Suffering.

But I have many positives in my Life. Self Funded Retiree at 47, now looking to Start my own Business, and Studying to keep my mind active. And I've got my Health back on track and eating right. And so I probably had more success in life than many so called " Normal" people.




Edited by Guppy101 (08/19/14 03:10 AM)

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