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#19837 - 12/17/00 09:10 PM relationships
dslacker Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/00
Posts: 61
Loc: Copenhagen - Denmark - Europe
Hi

I just wondered...
It seems to me, that the majority of the boards users are women who are either married or in some kind of relationship.

So my question is:
Does any of you think that its easier for women to find a significant other than when you are a man - (because of men being less "picky" about looks than women...)

It should be noted, that I'm a 33 years old male who has EHK, and I really dont have much problems with finding female friends, but I have started to get a little annoyed by the fact that wast the majority of them only wants socalled platonic friendship... sigh

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_________________________
The Danish Slacker
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dslacker@trustme.dk
"Have you got the will to be weird"
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#19838 - 12/19/00 03:52 AM Re: relationships
Les Avakian Offline


Member

Registered: 08/13/00
Posts: 680
Loc: Fresno, Calif. USA 93705
Hello Dslacker
You pose a very good question? I dont feel it is any easier for women to find a significant other then when you are a man.In our society, women are taught you have to look a certain way to be accepted. Marketing, glamour magazines, television advertisements, and music videos bombard our youth into believing this. So many teenagers force themselves to fit this mold to be the perfect Vogue model.This leads to undue stress and this is the reason I feel our society is tougher on women than men.Hopefully more men will post their opinions.
_________________________
Les Avakian

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#19839 - 12/19/00 11:00 AM Re: relationships
dslacker Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/00
Posts: 61
Loc: Copenhagen - Denmark - Europe
Quote:
Originally posted by Les Avakian:
Hello Dslacker
You pose a very good question?

???

I dont feel it is any easier for women to find a significant other then when you are a man.In our society, women are taught you have to look a certain way to be accepted. Marketing, glamour magazines, television advertisements, and music videos bombard our youth into believing this. So many teenagers force themselves to fit this mold to be the perfect Vogue model.This leads to undue stress and this is the reason I feel our society is tougher on women than men.

Its odd that you say that, because as far as I can see, almost everything you say above deals with womens OWN perception of self and not with how a potential boyfriend would see them - My point was rather, that women tend to look MORE at looks than men do... that is they dont want any other male than the perfect "mate/provider"...
Granted, that maybe be because of what you say above, but still...

Hopefully more men will post their opinions.


Yesssss :-)


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| The Danish Slacker |
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| dslacker@trustme.dk |
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| "Have you got the | | will to be weird" |
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_________________________
The Danish Slacker
-------------------------
dslacker@trustme.dk
"Have you got the will to be weird"
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#19840 - 12/30/00 04:30 PM Re: relationships
Ken Roberts Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/30/00
Posts: 4
Loc: Orlando, FL USA
dslacker ~ yeah, but I think women have an easier time finding men because more men seem to be in search of women.

At many times I've thought that I'd like to trade-in 3 or 4 platonic female friends for one uninhibited wild girlfriend.

The best bet has always been that one platonic girlfriend develops into a relationship.
_________________________
Ken Roberts

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#19841 - 01/01/01 01:07 AM Re: relationships
Anonymous
Unregistered


Ken and dslacker??,
Let me throw in my 2 cents worth on this. I don't know about european countries but here in the United states it is percieved that a woman waits for the man to approach her(old fashioned but true unfortunatly) So a woman must make herself attractive however she can To "attract" men, this is a difficult task considering what we have to do to keep our ichthyosis under control. However a man must approach a woman and hope that he is not embarrassed or humiliated when/if he is turned down. A positive and carefree attitude is always a plus for either sex. I have many platonic friends and am glad that i do. The hardest part about finding a mate isn't the ratio of men to women but finding someone who loves you for who you are, not what you look like, how much money you have or what kind of ailments you do or don't have. If a woman or man turns you down because of your ichthyosis, move on, they are too shallow to see the real you and aren't worth your time. Let someone else be burdened with them for life. On the other hand, you should have the same standards in picking a mate as you would expect them to have. I'll admit it has been extremely dificult for me in relationships but I have found what I am looking for and I'm very happy with it. Should I have children I would still hope for a boy if my child is going to have Ichthyosis. A boy/man has it much easier in this world when it comes to socializing. I hate to tell you guys this but you're wrong if you think women have it easier. Also Ken, that one platonic girlfriend that you would like to hit on, make sure they feel the same way you do. If not, more then likely your friendship will never be as close again because you will have crossed that line that distinguishes between a real friend and just another man trying to sneak in the back door by posing as a friend. Good luck guys, don't be offeneded by anything I said, it is just my opinion that I have gained from experience. Consider my membership in the he-man woman-haters club retired. Life is too short to go around hating and complaining, I only wish I had realized this when I was a much younger.
You guys can write me if you'd like, keithx1@earthlink.net, take care.
Keith.

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#19842 - 01/29/01 10:50 AM Re: relationships
Chandra Offline
Member

Registered: 11/20/00
Posts: 707
Loc: Grants Pass, OR
I really hope I'm not intruding here guys, but I thought I'd throw my two cents in.

I think it's very tough for both genders with ichthyosis to find someone to have a relationship with. From a woman's perspective, you're darn tooting right that we are trained to look a certain way to attract men.

I certainly hope that our society is moving more towards finding a partner due to their personality, talents, and communication skills rather than looks. However popular media doesn't seem to be reflecting that too much.

I have some wonderful male friends without a skin disorder or physical disability of any kind. Frankly, they lament the same things you guys are here "Are we not good looking enough, do we not make enough money" etc. etc.

Keith is so very very right in that a woman who can't deal with your ichthyosis isn't worth it. Realize that a woman like that probably wouldn't even be willing to be friends with someone who has ichthyosis, regardless of gender. I am sure all of you would say the same thing to me if I asked you about a guy who wasn't comfortable with my skin.

So on that note, what's that old song again, "You Sexy Thang" =)
_________________________
I am female, and was born in 1972 with Lamellar Ichthyosis.

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#19843 - 01/11/04 04:11 PM Re: relationships
luckelizard Offline
Member

Registered: 02/26/03
Posts: 190
Loc: Corpus Christi, TX, USA
female here.. i think that is a very good question.. i have EHK.. i don't really have trouble finding guys.. i have trouble finding good guys.. the ones that want to be in a relationship.. like now.. i am living with my boyfriend but i feel he is embarrased of me. when anything comes to doing anything with his family.. he makes sure i go to a friends house or once in a while he might take me.. it makes me feel like crud sometimes but i think i like him enough to work things out.. but i don't want to bring it up because then he might break up with me and then me and my son wouldn't have a place to live again.. and i kinda like living outside a shelter and off the streets.. but the answer to your question.. it might not be easier for women but it definately wasn't easy for me.
thanks. crystal rose

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#19844 - 01/19/04 09:21 PM Re: relationships
felyciti Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/23/03
Posts: 1
Loc: South Dakota, USA
dslacker,

I'm just a lurker, but I have to tell you, please don't give up hope.

I am a married woman, but I am not the one with Ichthyosis. My husband is.

I think most people in general are pretty picky about the looks of their significant other. The amazing thing about love, though, is that it makes you see someone in a way that others might not see them. And sometimes that makes things like skin conditions, weight, a gigantic nose...what have you, not matter anymore.

My husband has x-linked Ichthyosis. I was not turned off by his skin when I first met him, but I was very curious. He was very open about it, and that was great. And you know, I love the feel of my husband's skin. He has texture. It's not that I wouldn't be happy with him if he had smooth skin like most other people, but his skin makes him different, and I like that. I guess it's hard to explain.

I just wanted to let you know that you may yet find someone that not only accepts your skin, but loves it as a beautiful part of you.

Good luck to you!

Mel

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#19845 - 01/29/04 06:20 PM Re: relationships
Janneman Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/29/04
Posts: 1
Loc: Belgium
Hi, this is my first post so lets introduce myself. Im from belgium, 26 and i have ich vulgaris X linked. I have two brothers who have it and one beautifull sister who hasnt [img]http://www.ichthyosis.com/ubb/smile.gif[/img] .The three sons of my mothers sister have the same problems...
My opinion in this thread is that you first fall in love and than you show your body and if she really loves you she will not make a problem off it...

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#19846 - 01/29/04 08:59 PM Re: relationships
Anonymous
Unregistered


Janneman,
I agree with you as far as "if she loves you she will not make a problem of it". Starting out a relationship by hiding something is not a good way to start. When I first met my wife it took me quite some time before I told her about my Ichthyosis, even then it didn't matter to her. I wasted 4 or 5 months of our relationship that way, if I had been truthful from the beginning we could have had that much more time together. If you're interested in someone or they're interested in you, being honest about it right away will let you know if that person has what it takes to be with someone with Ichthyosis.
Keith.

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