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#19318 - 06/05/03 04:41 AM worried about the future.....
Becky Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/03
Posts: 15
Loc: Peachtree City,Ga, USA
Hi! This is Becky Hudson, I am 19 and I have llem. Ich. But anyways I know that I am young right now, and I should not even be worrying about it, but I just can't help it, and i was wondering if some of you could share some advice or stories... I am ALWAYs afraid that I am never going to get married, and that's my dream. I always think, no guy is going to want to marry me, I mean what guy is going to want to sleep with a girl everynight that has to have greesy lotion on every night, and someone that has to cream up twice a day, and just stupid stuff like that, but it does bother me!!! But I was thinking that if i heard some good stories, it might make me feel better you know??!!!! Thanks so much!!!

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#19319 - 06/05/03 08:41 AM Re: worried about the future.....
Luciana Offline
Member

Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 63
Loc: Neuchâtel, Switzerland
Hi Becky!

I'd like to say I had the same worries at your age, I heard so many unpleasant comments (I'm still inhibited) but now I'm 46, married with 2 boys (20 and 24).
I'm sure you'll met a nice guy who'll see in your heart the gentleness, and the sensitiveness you have in it. He won't focus on your skin's aspect as we do when we suffer from ich. It seems to us everybody is always looking at our skin, doesn't it? But it's not true!
So keep a great self confidence, you'll see your turn will come too!
Take care and best wishes
Your ich friend Luciana.

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#19320 - 06/05/03 09:24 AM Re: worried about the future.....
Sofie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/22/01
Posts: 118
Loc: Switzerland / USA
Dear Becky

First: Let me welcome you to this Bulletin Board! It is always a great pleasure to see that new people find this site and use it to exchange experiences and to support each other. At least for me personally it was an unique experience when I found this website and was able to communicate for the first time with other people with Ichthyosis.
However, I went through the same as you did and I guess most of us do. When I was younger I was extremely worried that I would never find a guy who would accept my skin condition. People always told me to not worry but of course I was worried anyway. And for a long time I did not have a boyfriend. A few years ago I met a wonderful, caring man and now we are married. He does not mind at all that I have some difficulties or special needs due to my condition and he is a great support! If you read posts on this Board you will find many others with Ichthyosis and longterm relationships or that are married. Some even have children. So all I can say: do not worry, I am sure you will find someone that does not mind flakes, lotions etc. but who will see the wonderful person that you are!

Best wishes,
Sofie

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#19321 - 06/05/03 03:14 PM Re: worried about the future.....
Danusia Offline
Member

Registered: 08/14/00
Posts: 63
Loc: canada
Becky, I am 44 years old, married for 20 years with two kids (no ichthyosis!) When I read the headline of your post I had to smile in that I have the same insecurites but with me they have to do with aging and what my skin will do and how I will be able to deal with it as I grow older and more infirm -- I guess I'm thinking about that more right now because my mom is 83 and has just been hospitalized (she has ichthyosis too)

Anyway, I mention all this because I'm realizing that at any stage in our lives we're always bound to have worries about our ability to cope with what our skin throws at us and how that gets accepted by the outside world. I think the most important thing is to have a lot of ways to connect with people that reflect who you are. Obviously you have a skin condition, but that's only a small part of what makes you you. Enjoy the friendships that you make because of what you enjoy doing and try new things, explore -- you are entering a time of great potential in you life. Will there be rejection? Of course. Will there be discomfort, lack of confidence? Sure! But show me a person, with or without ichthyosis or any other disability, who hasn't experienced those.

In my case, I have a husband who is a university teacher of medicine, who claims he doesn't even notice my skin! ( Talk about the absent-minded professor!) I have friends who'll say ( during a lunch break at a conference, for example): can I get you a coffee while you go to the washroom to put on your creams? But I still turn to putty if I think someone is staring at my skin ...

I hope this rambling helps a bit ....I guess the long and short of it is -- take the bull by the horns, but be prepared to fall off now and then!

[This message has been edited by Danusia (edited June 05, 2003).]

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#19322 - 06/05/03 05:01 PM Re: worried about the future.....
Becky Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/03
Posts: 15
Loc: Peachtree City,Ga, USA
Hi!! Thanks so much for this stories, you have no idea how much they mean to me. I woke up this morning, and the first thing i did was get online to see if I had gotten any replies! Thanks so much! This is just such a great thing that we have, where we can talk to people. thanks again!!!

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#19323 - 06/05/03 08:56 PM Re: worried about the future.....
Chandra Offline
Member

Registered: 11/20/00
Posts: 707
Loc: Grants Pass, OR
Hi Becky,

I used to feel the same way you do. What the biggest obstacle to me dating and having a romantic relationship was my thoughts that no one could ever find me attractive. In August, my husband JR and I will be celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary, and seven and a half years together total.

I'm fortunate enough to have known one of my best friends since I was in sixth grade. She and some of my friends from college were over for dinner one night with me and my husband. He asked them about how I acted around guys before I met him and they told him that I was completely oblivious to guys when they would try to approach me about going out on a date, and had no clue that a guy was interested me. JR laughed and said it's still true. He swears that he sees guys hit on me all the time and I'm totally oblivious to it.

When I went to my 10 year high school reunion, I found out that a couple of the guys I went to school had crushes on me. It blew me away. When I mentioned it to my friends, their reaction was, "how could you NOT know? God, Chandra, you can be so blind."

Becky, I guarantee that there are people that find you attractive. Maybe you're not as oblivious as I am and was, but I would bet money (and I never ever gamble) that you are more concerned about your looks than a lot of guys are.

I met my hubby when I was 23 years old. JR is a very very outspoken guy. No one ever has any doubts about how he feels or what's on his mind as he makes sure EVERYBODY knows what's going on. He made it very obvious that he found me extremely attractive, and wanted to get to know me better. I doubted him for a very long time. Even after we were living together, I still wondered how he could possibly find me attractive. Now, after six years of marriage, he's finally "managed to pound it into your thick skull," as he says, that I'm beautiful.

As for how someone can stand to cuddle up to you when you're coated with goo, JR does it with me every day. He even helps me put ointment on when I need help, or just can't reach that one spot on my back. Wanna hear something really funny? I used to use baby oil in the bathwater and also would put it on after a shower. JR no longer associates that smell with babies like he used to, he now associates it with "sexy naked woman!!!!" as he puts it. He doesn't mind my skin peeling either.

So my dear, relax. There is somebody out there for you, you just have to open your eyes to see him.
_________________________
I am female, and was born in 1972 with Lamellar Ichthyosis.

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#19324 - 06/06/03 04:32 AM Re: worried about the future.....
Becky Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/03
Posts: 15
Loc: Peachtree City,Ga, USA
ahhhh these are all awesome stories, REALLY!!! Today has just been a great day, from reading these, gah... I really wish i could meet some of you!!! But again THANKS A BUNCH!!!!!!

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#19325 - 06/06/03 04:38 AM Re: worried about the future.....
Sirena Offline
Member

Registered: 05/04/03
Posts: 57
Loc: Wasilla, Alaska
You girls are so cool, You have inspired me to start dating again.!

Hi Becky, I have not been as lucky as these gals keeping a guy but my skin has never stopped me from finding one. What I have learned is that it is usually my feelings about myself that has caused the problem. When I am in good health, feeling good and energetic, when myself confidence is high, that is when the men suddenly appear. My skin never changed, just my attutitude about myself. The men I have had relationships with have never had a problem with my skin. They also said that soon after we meet they don't see it anymore.

Find your passions and pursue them, you will find a good fella. Don't sit around and wait for him. Go out and have fun till the right one comes along. I have gotten involved in relationships because I didn't believe anyone else would be interested in me. Don't underestimate your value. Wait for the right one.(Don't settle) I have two wonderful kids now. One from a previous relationship and the other I adopted on my own. No more worries. You have a bright future ahead!
_________________________
Michele Menzia

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#19326 - 06/09/03 11:41 AM Re: worried about the future.....
Lisa Marie Offline
Member

Registered: 01/04/01
Posts: 168
Loc: NY
Becky-I just got married in April and my husband doesn't care about my skin at all. Even on the days when I just feel I am a mess, he'll be looking at me, which now makes me feel even more insecure, until he blurts out how cute he thinks I am. I know he sees me for what I have to offer, but I truly believe he thinks I'm beautiful on the outside too. You will find this. I have no doubt. I think we view ourselves much harsher than others do. I'm offen pointing out when my skin is in a bad or good cycle. He just doesn't seem to notice it. When it's in a good cycle, I have fun with it. Right now it is and I'll just put my arm out to him and say 'silky smooth' and he just laughs. I've never had a problem dating and nobody has seemed to be affected by my skin. So don't worry and just have fun. The best guys to date are friends - someone who really knows you and you feel comfortable with. So develop real friendships and if one should bloom further, all the more for you, if not, you've got great friendships. You're at a fun age, enjoy!

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#19327 - 06/16/03 08:00 PM Re: worried about the future.....
Ep2952 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/16/03
Posts: 60
Loc: CANADA
Hi Becky you sound exactly like me when I was younger.I'm 44 now and I can tell you my skin has not affected my relationships with the opposite sex in any way.None of the guys I went out with even seemed to notice my skin.I am married and my children have totally normal skin.It's who you are that they'll be looking at.I doubt your skin will be an issue whatsoever.Take care.

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